Monday, August 10, 2009

Multiple Attractions

Life is all about LIVING and living is all about EXPERIENCING …..and as you experience life each new person you meet exposes you to a different side of yours, which previously you might not have been aware of…… and as you get aware of different segments of yourself, you become more clear of which side of yours needs what……in most of the cases this awareness happens sub-consciously……… there are times when you meet someone and you hate being with them… or at times you wish to be like someone whom you met a few days back……

One day you get to talk to person……..a small conversation gradually grows into hours of conversation on phone…. There is a strange sense of calmness and easiness, something you long for after a hectic schedule…….you talk your heart out and just be yourself………. There is no compulsion….no demands…..no minute by minute reporting………You have all the freedom to be yourself by mere presence of that person…… You think you are getting addicted …and someone might say ‘you are ATTRACTED to that person’ or may be ‘you are in LOVE’…..

Some other day, you meet someone…very strong…super intelligent and witty………spontaneous and difficult to anticipate……..demanding and egoist of highest order…….possessive and highly caring …….the more you try to know the more close you get ……and you realize there is another side of yours which had craved for this new energy….the presence of that person is so strong that your mind ceases to standstill….you run short of thoughts …..without thinking or talking you are exhausted …you met a strength which you always wanted to be ….you long for being with that person because you want to get that energy to succeed which you THINK you don’t have ….and the other day someone told you are ‘ATTRACTED’….

And again the other day….you see an unknown face………..you see it again and again …and the more you follow the face the more enigmatic that person seems to you ….you do not wish to interact but still want to know the unknown ….and there is a strange bond you feel for that unknown…your friend says ‘you are ATTRACTED’

Different people interacting with different side of yours….. these different sides of yours makes a complete YOU … and YOU are going through MULTIPLE ATTRACTIONS ……..

Today when there is so much MORALITY attached to an YOU, multiple attractions might raise someone’s brows…..someone might even term it as INFIDELITY……but for one who is aware about multiple segments of oneself and its multiple needs, values each one of them its attracted to…..for them MULTIPLE ATTRACTION is a straight sign of being HONEST to oneself and LOVING oneself…….

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A deed of kindness or an act to harm…?

Like every day, that morning too I left my home at eight for the campus, which is just five minutes walking distance and in that five minutes I come across different experiences of different moods…the moment I leave my apartment I see a kid who had just learnt how to stand, watching me and expecting me to wave to her…with the sweetest voice and smile she responds with a bye … a smile so fresh as that morning, was enough to give may day a bright start. Thinking about her I am out of that lane and turn right, with a huge dump of garbage immediately at the turning. And I like a ‘responsible citizen’ move ahead covering my nose and cursing… no… no… not the municipality because I know the area where I live has excellent door to door garbage collection facility…still the people of that apartment owning a minimum of one car (costing somewhere around six to eight lakhs) could not find a better place than the entrance of their apartment compound to dispose off their garbage……..!! Struggling with my reasons for this irresponsible act of rich upper middle class ‘urban illiterate’ people, I reach the cross roads, with a temple at the opposite right corner. Unexpectedly there in the temple you see a considerable crowd of devotees who might be in their twenty’s and thirty’s. Look at so many youth that too so early in the morning in puja dress at a temple daily, I could not believe what the elder generation of today say, that today’s youth is loosing faith in god… … … may be only He knows which age group has more faith in Him…with this thought I pass a school, where kids are saying their morning prayers in their morning assembly… everyday when I see these kids standing in perfect line, height wise and as per their class with uniform matching their house colour for few moments I go back to my school days and how I used to hate those morning sessions…smiling on myself I move ahead…

When I was about to reach my college, that day I saw a new act happening…… An uncle was feeding street dogs with parle-g …lucky dogs… … …!!! That morning in hurry I could not even have breakfast… … … anyway… … … The man I guess was in his late forty’s but he was enjoying feeding those homeless ill-treated animals like a kid… it was quite a pleasant act to see… just few minutes back I was confronted to few highly irresponsible citizens and here I saw a deed of kindness from the citizen of same city… he might have atleast fed 10 parle-g medium sized packets… with a strange sense of contentment I crossed the road and entered my campus…

While going inside the campus a thought suddenly struck me about the man who was feeding street dogs with biscuits… he had brought all those biscuits in a plastic bag which he threw on the road once all the packets got over… he also threw all the wrappers of that medium sized ten to twelve biscuit packets on the road…and there was no need for me to think further as I and I guess everyone else today knows what ‘littering of plastic means’…

Only thing which confused me was how was I supposed to react…should I feel proud of that man for his deed of kindness or should feel disgusted to the irreplaceable damage he did in the process of kindness to the society and even the dogs he fed…?

And with a weird state o mind I entered my class where all the lights and fans were on with no one occupying it……….

Friday, July 10, 2009

And it ‘finally’ rained

And it ‘finally’ rained! Not a short show of showers but a long ballet of drops, with lightening giving special effects and thundering sounds playing background score.

You run to the terrace! Carefree and impatient without worrying of falling off the stairs. And there you are! Taking deep breath, arms wide open and you looking up to the sky you feel each drop on your face, arms and feet. Slowly clothes getting wet and you start feeling its weight.

Moments so pure, getting in you with each deep breath…. All your day’s frustration, worry drains out with rain and slowly the purity of time fills up your senses.

With each gush of wind, you feel the shiver running down the body. And you want to be hugged… to be cuddled… to be felt warm…

The rain, thunder & lightening goes on, and You standing with your arms wide open…!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Harikrishna Thakkar

Pursuing Ph.D in Bharatnatyam, Faculty in Music college of Baroda, President and the person who revived the dead SPIC MACAY-Vadodara Chapter, an active social worker, Juror of many State and National level competitions, mentor of various students of Bharatnatayam, someone in whom resided immense and rare respect and love for everything that was Indian and Natural, a Man with Iron strong will power who took responsibilities of his three younger brothers and a younger sister after his parents passed away, extremely cultured, addicted to hard work, honesty and humanity was his religion, immensely idealistic and positive …and the list goes on for a dear friend of mine – Harikrishna Thakkar

I am thankful to Priyanka to introduce me to a gem of a person like him. After meeting him I realized the degree to which a person can struggle for his passion in a rightful manner… and this inspired me to follow my dreams… it was only because of him that I was introduced to Indian classical dance and music which I had always wanted to explore… and the experience only made me proud of me being an Indian and the richness and maturity of our heritage and culture.

I had not met him since long… last time I saw him was during his performance on a ballet named ‘Maya’ on 26th December 2008… and trust me I never knew a Bharatnatyam based dance ballet could be so gripping that I didn’t realize when two hours went by… and that was the last day I saw him…full of life…smiling…talking and ALIVE

14th March 2009, Gargiv messaged me in the morning at ten that Harikrishna was no more… and I just could not believe… it was one of the most shocking news I could have ever expected… but I was fortunate enough that I was in Baroda at that time and hence could be a part of his last journey… at one in the afternoon I reached is home where the body full of life and energy lied dead on the floor covered with flowers and last minute rituals happening around him…

Evereyone around him crying, mourning and stood there thinking hard why the hell he is not getting up to console his crying sister, brothers and fiancĂ© whom he got engaged to few months back… but his spirit had left its temporary residence to reach some other world without completing two most dear dreams – completing his Ph.D and tieing knot with Kosha; and realizing this I moved out of the room with prayers in my mind…may his soul rest at peace…

Harikrishna Thakkar  - 9/9/77 – 13/5/09 

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mother's day - 10th May 2009

During my graduation years, I realized my mom was more sensitive as a designer than me though she never got any formal education in designing. Didn’t she realize this ever… and if she had realized then why she didn’t pursue it seriously?

One I got a chance to see her school time books. She had only preserved her drawing and arts book. And her sketching was far more better…she understood lines better than me in that age…then why didn’t she polish her skills after marriage?

My mom is extremely fond of designing & stitching clothes and the quality of her work if not better than, is atleast at par with professional designers. Though she lacks three things-exposure, boldness and experience, if she had made an attempt to gain all these three she might have own a boutique by now. Then why she didn’t make that attempt?

With so many similar questions I tried to reason out mom. Though she would have been the best person to tell me the reasons, mummy’s are such selfless creation of God that she won’t tell anything. But I definitely could make out the reasons - Marriage at the age of 23 in a completely middle class family and a mother of three kids by thirty and then she at every point of her life kept herself in the last priority and she didn’t even realize that in the process she lost herself. I know the entire struggle, physical and psychological that she went through and what she gained and lost in the last 27 years.

Inspite of knowing all this…

When she stretches herself for all the work at home in the morning,  I sleep till 8-30, ignoring the fact that she needs me the most till 10-30.

She climbs innumerable times up and down the stairs though she has severe knee problems. And I help only at my convenience.

I want her to listen to all my talk at my time. But when she wants to be heard, majority of the times I am not available.

We all three always want our favourite dishes to be cooked. But I don’t think except for her birthday or anniversary we bothered to as what she wants to eat.

When I stay away from home, I want her to call me and inquire about me every day.  But when she was not well for two days I forgot to call her.

It’s not that I don’t love her. She knows more than I know that I love her and care for her. But still I tend to take her for granted. And mom’s are such strange selfless creations that they cherish even this ‘taken for granted ‘status.

And what do we kids do? We gift her card, a small present and a warm hug on Mother’s day. Does she deserve only this? Do we really need a hyped day like Mother’s day to tell her that we care? Is that one day enough? Is gifting her a card more conveying than we being available when she needs us?

I wish I myself learn from what I’ve written. But yes while writing I definitely have realized how I can be a better daughter without artificial expression of love.

After all it’s all about loving your mom…;)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Knowing the unknown…

That day I saw him going upstairs, he lost in his own world, continuously staring the floor. May be he had a jury or may be trying to resolve something… but there was definitely some very hard action taking place in his mind ...and he is interpreted in spite of the fact that he is ‘Unknown’

That morning freshness…with uncombed wet hair, his backpack…I am sure he had really enjoyed his bath…a refreshing  bath that he might have taken after three to four days…and still trying to solve the ‘Unknown’ puzzle

His vain attempt of controlling himself from smiling…but when he smiles, laughs without any apprehensions… feels like there could be no purest form of expression than that… and the knowing of the ‘Unknown’ begins…

He keeps walking straight..and erect …and stout…and then when he looks left…that look of his makes your day…and I realize I am trying to know the ‘Unknown’

His continuous stare of five seconds…straight into your eyes…energizes you enough that you can work the entire night for a work which you wish you could avoid…Here I wish only if I could know the ‘Unknown’ even more…

An attempt of knowing the ‘Unknown’